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Since Lust

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In this prose poem inspired by the writer Mary Ruefle, Francesca Fabiani slips between nostalgia and presence as she reflects on womanhood and lust.

Featured Image: Grayscale fields of sunflowers against a purple and peach background. A teal sun rises above the abstract horizon. Illustration by Damiane Nickles.
Featured Image: Grayscale fields of sunflowers against a purple and peach background. A teal sun rises above the abstract horizon. Illustration by Damiane Nickles.

It is the tomato smashed upon the road; litter

in the minivan; the sun glaring past the cattails; 

tumbling into eighteen, in cheeks that glitter,

when the brief seconds of staring wash the

daylight into dark. It is gold hair strands, like

rope on the drive, whipping out the window. If

the world lost its glamour, was deprived of

my fascination––lust––and choked into burdens 

of mysterious, disastrous alchemy possessing

yearning teenagers, then I could pardon my 

actualized self; for the witchcraft of being alive.

I don’t pay mind to the dryness of my tongue,

under pretenses that I must be sorrowful, even

when the music stops suddenly, screws in my

ears, and then restarts. It is my rough knuckles,

coarse with regrowing hair, but it does not take

grip on me. It is letting go in my fingers and 

hangnails, forgetting the mortality of it all, in 

the moment of twilight and sexual fantasy. My

routine exorcisms of hormones, of loud spells 

singing along to eighties pop, loosens upon my

foot touching the gas pedal. Heaven feels close, 

twirling my tongue slowly, for once I turn the key

in my car, my body surfs. I become a woman 

of ancestral orgasms, eyes locked on the road;

the headlights and the brainstorming on which 

thoughts to categorize first, over sex or how

the wisps at my sideburns sit. It is simple magic, 

being a young woman, in virginity that bends 

and beats for touch, the same as I. 


About the author: Francesca Fabiani is a writer based in Chicago and New York City. She received her BA in Interdisciplinary Creative Writing (poetry) and Fine Art from Columbia College Chicago in 2021. Fabiani’s writing studies the dignity and sexual reclaiming of womanhood, human dissection and death and objects. Awaiting her forthcoming book, Francesca writes on upcoming cosmetics and fashion editorials and elects makeup artistry for a secondary career. Her work has been featured in independent publications and local organizations including Elastic Arts.

Image: A fully body photo of a person wearing an olive jumpsuit, black mask, glasses, and clay colored socks. They sit on a woven chair against a clay colored wall with black scribbling on it.

About the illustrator: Damiane Nickles (he/him) is a painter and illustrator working out of Chicago. He holds a B.F.A. in Illustration from Syracuse University and completed his first solo exhibition in June 2022. When’s he’s not creating artwork he’s diving into spirits as a Brand Manager over at Apologue Liqueurs.

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